START TIME: January 16
END TIME: February 27
WORD COUNT: 1543
Ladies and Gentlemen,
First off, my profound gratitude and thanks to Jenn and Ed Brusven, who donated $76.66 for each team member of the Space Monkeys, which won them the Slaughterhouse auction whether they read it or not.
I was talking to Jenn about her stepson Jonathan a month or so back, and he's in his first year at college. He's a bright kid and a nice guy. It looked as if he would be headed on a date soon, and Jenn asked if I had any advice on social interaction. I thought about it, let the ideas swim around in my head, and over the past few months came up with an interesting rough guide. A portion of it is excerpted for you here.
Pregame
A date that you just sort of decide on isn’t really a date (like when you are working on a Physics midterm and say, “Want to grab some ice cream?"). That’s friends getting together. If this is an actual date, you are going to have to do some preparation for it. The standard questions in journalism are Who What When Where Why, right? Let’s ask them here:
Who?
We went over this [in a previous section]. You have to take care of that yourself.
What?
What are you going to do? You’re the one asking, and the words “or something” or “I don’t know” should not be part of your vocabulary. If you are asking her to dinner, have a place in mind. If you’re asking her to a movie, have some idea of a movie you’d like to see. Better yet, know what she likes to eat and what movies she wants to see and set up something you both can agree with. If you had nothing in common you wouldn’t have talked to each other enough to go on a date, right? Well, there’s obviously something you both like to do. Do that.
If there is any way that you can prepare in advance for what you’re about to do, do it. Call the restaurant and see if they take reservations, whether it’s a week in advance or same day. Have you ever gone someplace and seen lots of frustrated people standing in line, particularly on a Friday or Saturday night? See up above, where you didn’t say, “I dunno, what do you want to do?” These are people who you get to walk right past because they saved you a table, because you planned ahead. (You will also see these people in the movie lobby waiting for the next show as you walk out of yours, because by the time they left the sold out restaurant to go to the sold out movie, they had to wait some more.)
As for that movie, you can buy tickets online or in advance at the theater. Once you know that plans will work out, you want to take out anything that will make you wait. There are a couple reasons for this. One, you have enough to think about once you’re there. Two, the fact that you’re willing to do this kind of planning shows you’re considerate for your date’s feelings. You want her to be comfortable with you, and if everything is structured well and you’re not flipping out because nobody’s running late, you will each have fun. I mean, if she’s wearing high heels and you physically have to run or you’ll miss the start of the film, you messed up, and tomorrow when she’s squinting as she puts on a pair of socks, you will be thought of in ways not conducive to a positive experience. Get ready and all this can be avoided.
Give yourself two hours for a standard dinner if you’re within walking distance of the movie. This way you won’t be throwing cash at a very busy waiter so you can sprint to the theater, like we already said, a bad idea.
As for another “what,” if you’re going someplace insanely nice, get appointments to get your hair cut, your clothes pressed and dry-cleaned, anything that’s going to make you look sharp. Luck favors the prepared.
When?
Suggest a time. Make sure you have given her sufficient notice. You are a gentleman and do not ask a woman on a Saturday night dinner date after Thursday. If this woman’s interesting she’s probably got a life and weekends are starting to get in order well before that. You are asking for the companionship of someone intriguing for a significant amount of time. You have to beat out reading, movies, raspberry sorbet, friends, talking on the phone, and Nintendo Wii. This matters.
Where?
This obviously depends on the other questions. If you’re doing dinner and a movie, your best bet is to get yourself dinner near the movie so that you can walk from one to the other. Dinner will not start without you but the movie sure will. (And if you are running late, there’s ten minutes of previews, and you already got your tickets, right?)
Go to a restaurant where she will feel comfortable and she can feel like she’s on a date. Stay away from anywhere with fluorescent lighting or the ability to order out of a clown’s mouth. No pressure, but if you screw this part up she’s perfectly capable of ordering McNuggets and a side salad and staying home next time.
A good date restaurant will have dark lighting (it’s more flattering), a view, a menu, and a lot of other couples. You don’t want your conversation to be shouted at each other and then spend most of your time in whispered silence at the movie theater, do you?
Stay away from places that’ll have screaming children. Murphy’s Law says you’ll be seated next to one. While you’re welcome to go to any one of a zillion chain restaurants, you already know the following about them: one, they’re loud, they aren’t comfortable and they don’t take reservations. So why would you go there? A lot of people do because they know they’re going to find some food they already know and they like. They choose boring and familiar over different and cool. Well, we can fix that.
The good news is you’re good with a computer. You’re reading this and you’ve probably sent email to your date and you’ve got the Web down. Good. What you want to do is head for a website called opentable.com.
Opentable does restaurant reviews in lots of major cities. You can check availability and book reservations online. This means that on the computer, with one window on Opentable and another on movie reservations, you can get the whole evening planned out with no phone calls. Opentable has their users rate restaurants on ambience, food, service, everything. Use them to help with ideas. If they don’t have what you like, in Las Vegas you can check out vegas.com or lvcitylife.com for their dining reviews. And, if you want to be frightened beyond reason, check out the Restaurant Report every Wednesday in the Review-Journal, where you’ll find lively descriptions of restaurant health code violations, usually including stuff like “Rats mating in ice machine.”
It’s a first date, so I don’t care if she’s the owner’s daughter. Stay away from restaurants where she has worked, knows the staff, has friends who will comp you, anything like that. This is an audition and there’s only one person whose opinion matters. You are not here to perform for her friends and family. This is business.
Know if she has any food allergies, if she is a vegetarian and what kind, will be maimed by peanuts (and if she is, stay the hell away from a Thai or barbecue joint; sometimes there’s peanut butter in the sauce). You do not need to go full-on “it’s a surprise, don’t say anything” (and I would advise against doing this on a first date, there’s enough intrigue and mystery already).
Restaurants that are smart enough to sign on with an online reservation service are also usually smart enough to have their own websites. Check it out for pictures, menus, directions-all the stuff you need to know to save you time and aggravation. When you look at that menu, you can learn things like what the house specialty is, how spicy you can expect the preparation to be, and you can pick out one or two items you’d like and one or two you could suggest. If she says “I don’t know what I want,” sometimes she’s saying, “I don’t want to pick something that’s more than you wanted to spend, so if you decide I won’t feel obligated or guilty.”
When you’re checking out those menus, keep the following in mind. Some women barely eat on dates. She’s as nervous as you are and particularly if the conversation’s good, neither one of you are going to eat very much. It’s just how it goes. So you don’t want to go anyplace violently expensive, particularly on a first date, because the next big event date will be MORE violently expensive-er and neither of you may eat. Give yourself room to step up.
Also some places have live music and it’s fantastic (if there’s a piano bar a room over, it gives the room just the right amount of buzz) but you won’t think so if you’re seated three feet from the left speaker of a zydeco band and any attempt at conversation is shouted at the top of your lungs. Know what’s up beforehand.
Why?
Because there’s a talent to being socially adept. It’s a skill. It’s a part of life that a lot of people aren’t good at, so when you are, it’s fun. And I’m going to tell you this here and then just leave the whole topic alone: you’re buying dinner, nothing else. If you’re thinking I spent this and I should get this, grow the hell up. There’s a name for that kind of transaction. It’s illegal in Clark County. Let’s move on.
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