Slaughterhouse 17

Slaughterhouse 17
START TIME:10:51 PM
END TIME: 11:38 PM
WORD COUNT: 592

"Define confidence." - Ken Faikus

Confidence is an innate and powerful faith that you have in yourself, your abilities, or others and their abilities that is borne out of prior relevant experience or something close to it.

Arrogance is an innate and powerful faith that you have in yourself, your abilities, or others and their abilities that has no basis in prior relevant experience or anything close to it.

Misplaced confidence is an innate and powerful faith that you have in yourself, your abilities, or others and their abilities that is borne out what you feel is prior relevant experience, but actually was miscalculated.

Overconfidence is a is an innate and powerful faith that you have in yourself, your abilities, or others and their abilities that rests on prior relevant experience, the facts of which time or circumstance has rendered moot.

Underconfidence is the result of overestimating an opponent’s abilities or doubting one’s own.

But that’s way too many definitions. Let’s give you some examples.

Confidence is making the dinner reservations before you make the date.

Arrogance is booking the hotel weekend before you’ve met the woman.

Overconfidence is making reservations for Valentine’s Day without a girlfriend.

Misplaced confidence is booking anything when the woman starts telling you what she doesn’t like about her boyfriend.

Underconfidence is cancelling those reservations because she needs a ride after she’s thrown all of his possessions onto the lawn.

Confidence is betting the 4 horse in the third race because you’ve seen him race well before.

Overconfidence is betting the 4 horse in the third race because you’ve always picked the third race correctly.

Underconfidence is shying away from the betting window when the 4 horse in the third race is up against a field of Chihuahuas.

Misplaced confidence is betting the 4 horse in the third race because he won his last race by 43 lengths, though no mention was made on the racing form that the rest of the field fell into a sinkhole at the ¼ mile post.

Arrogance is placing a late side bet for one of the horses that fell into the sinkhole to place.

Confidence is answering Trivial Pursuit questions without a lilt at the end of the answer that indicates you are asking if you’re right? as opposed to Declaring You Are Right.

Overconfidence is picking up the dice before you’ve found out if you’ve answered the Trivial Pursuit question correctly.

Arrogance is rolling them before you’ve found out if you’ve answered the Trivial Pursuit question correctly.

Misplaced confidence is having read the wrong answer from the back of a poorly concealed card that the questioner was reading.

Underconfidence is handing the dice to the person next to you while you try to come up with the answer.

Confidence is walking up to her, looking her in the eye, and asking if she’s busy Saturday night.

Overconfidence is walking up to her, looking her in the eye, and asking if she’s busy Saturday night on Saturday afternoon.

Arrogance is walking up to her, looking her in the eye, and asking if she’s busy Saturday night as she’s with another man on the dance floor on a Saturday at 9 PM.

Misplaced confidence is walking up to her, looking her in the eye, and asking if she’s busy Saturday night before the officers lead you into a holding cell on Friday night.

Underconfidence is walking up to her, looking her in the eye, and asking if she’s busy Saturday night when you’ve been married to each other for three years.