"So I get up in the morning and my girl's taken all her shit out of the house, then I look and see that she took all the furniture, and then I try to turn on the stereo and the electricity's out, and then I leave the house and it's COLD out, see, and when I turn back to the building the landlady starts bitching about the rent, so I tell her that I've got some of it, and I'll have the rest later, so then I have to run the other way before she hits me with the broom, and I realize I'm hungry, and I've got to get a coat, so I'm headed to the mall, and I see this guy with a big smile on his face, and he goes, hey, got change for this fifty? and I go, naw, man, all I gots is forty, and he says, no problem, I need a twenty for the vending machine, and hands me the fifty, and I'm thinking, day's getting better, huh? and then I feel the bill and it's kind of funny, and I look at it and it's like, waxy, like he did it with crayons, and I'm damn sure SpongeBob ain't on the fifty. So I see him, and I go, "What the fuck, man?" and he starts running, and then I tackled him and beat his ass, and then I grabbed my piece and capped his fool head. I'm in the cop car and I realize that, shit, vending machines don't TAKE twenties, and now, after my ass has been in jail for six whole months, fuckin' OPRAH'S gonna give me the chair."
1 comment:
This is kind of off the subject, but what's a breadless turkey sandwich? I'll admit that I follow diet trends about as much as synchronized diving, but isn't that a handful of turkey and mayo? And is that something you really want to get from a vending machine?
-kf
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