Slaughterhouse 7

Start Time: 9:50 PM

End Time: 11:24 PM

Word Count: 547

Question from Ken Faikus: "Last week, you described your perfect woman. This week, do a self-criticism of why someone else would find you attractive. What are your best and worst features? Basically, why would that woman you described want to date you?"

The good news is, I’ve got some practice at self-criticism. Years of it. The bad news is I’m trying to couple the right answer to this question without sounding needy and lonely, or without sounding arrogant and hucksterish, or without a reader in mind as I’m writing it. In a question that got lost in the Slaughterhouse rock pile, Beth asked who I consider my reader to be. There’s usually somebody I have in mind, and I try to broaden the sketches to include someone who doesn’t know any of the more ridiculous stories surrounding the core bunch of us. I can assure you there is no such person I’m writing this for right now. Besides, this is like a job interview. That part up there where I have to identify my worst features? Am I allowed to say I’m some kind of workaholic? That always seems to get me hired.

I would like to think that I’m a good date; I’m attentive, a good listener, and a good conversationalist. I can make people smile and laugh. I’ve been a lot of places, seen a great number of things, and know how to tell a story.

If I’m entrusted with choosing where to go and what to do, I’m very good at picking someplace that fits both of our ideas of a good time, even if it’s somewhere she’s never been, just based on what she’s told me about where she’s been and what she likes and doesn’t.

I’m reasonably intelligent and manage to know a few things about a number of topics, but I’m ready and willing to admit when I don’t know what I’m talking about. And that happens a lot.

I’m employed, driven, and ambitious, well spoken with a nice smile, and I’m exceedingly and unfailingly polite. I will never embarrass her. And I have enough of a life of my own that I won’t be so clingy that she’ll feel that she can’t take a step without tripping over me, but I can certainly be as close as she’d like.

There are drawbacks. I am incredibly busy with training, with my kids when I have them, and there’s a lot I try to juggle. I have diverse interests, don’t really watch TV, and have been accused of being a snob. I’m not, but I can see where I can get tagged with being elitist, hoity-toity, what have you. Yes, I know a small amount about wine and champagne, but I don’t use words like “oaky” or “hints of vanilla.” It’s wine. I either like how it tastes or I don’t.

I’ve spent a lot of time in my life doing some incredible things and learning from those experiences, and I think there’s someone out there who may want to share that. And that’s why someone would want to date me; they wouldn’t regret the experience we could share and they get to keep their own life in the process. I consider that win-win.